Smaug, maybe this will help people to understand.

At the end of January 2010 my family lost my mom's oldest brother. It came to us as a shock especially since he had been released from the hospital after having a heart attack. 

I never admitted how much this hit me or how much this affected me. I ended up not being able to get out of bed for a few days and cried a lot in my room alone for a long time after the funeral. 

The same week that I lost my uncle, I was laid off for the first time. Needless to say, it was a bad week for me.

After being forcibly dragged to school by my loverly Dan Simpson, I decided to make Smaug. 

Uncle Carl loved Star Wars, Star Trek, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and all things Science Fiction. After cleaning out his house did nothing but prove how much of a nerd/geek/trekki/techie and any other word that can be attached to that. 

He also taught me everything I needed to know about computers and how to fix them. After his passing, I became the family tech support. 

I decided to make Smaug as an hommage to my uncle's memory. 

I made this dragon to work out my emotions and feelings that were flowing through me at this time in my life. I have a lot of things attached to this creation.

I have had a lot of people of late tell me to literally scrap out Smaug, never touch him again, or just start over completely. 

I almost tossed Smaug into the dumpster. I didn't, mostly because I realized that I would have gone right back in and gotten him out.

The point that I am trying to make is that sometimes people create works of art for reasons that aren't always apparent. So please don't try to discredit something especially if you don't know the back story. It may mean something more to the creator then you think. 

You knew this was coming.... Right?

Ok folks there is something that I am going to have to state now rather then later.

I am no longer making things for free. For anyone. I'm not making things for cost anymore either.

I will make homemade gifts that I elect to make for a gift. IE it's your birthday and I think of something awesome to make for you.

I will be giving people an estimate of materials then adding in what I believe is fair pay for the time that I put into it.

I will be paid a least minium wage per hour that I put into materials. I will adjust it as I see fit.

I plan on making my living doing this. I can't make a living without getting paid.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but come on people.

You knew this was coming... Right?

Don't me mad bro. I'll be fair.


Love,

Olivia

Art and whatnots

I have been having trouble lately with defining art.

For example what role or function it plays as well as what theory it fits best in.

Then there is high art. Historical references set aside.

These days "high art" means something completely different to me. It means art that was created while under the influence of some type of substance.

Now, the artwork that I create cannot come out of that. For instance it is a couple thousand year old practice that I am taking and using to create something with. It's not really that special as far as the process. It's hot, sweaty, and dirty, and you are more likely to forget to wash your hands when you eat lunch or pick your nose.

Nothing that special about it until someone makes a note that it is something that you don't hear most people doing. There. That's literally it. It's not common. That's the only thing that really makes it special. Yes there are talented people working with the process, but they aren't necessarily that special or better then other artists.

The point is, that if you are under some type of influence, you will be unable to safely preform the process. Mistakes will happen, and a person could be burnt, hit themselves with a hammer, or even hurt another person working near them.

Then their are the 2-D people. Other then using scissors or the mat cutter, you are less likely to hurt yourself. Unless you drink the turps.

Then you're screwed.

Too many artist and art students get high or drunk then create.

What the hell.

Yes I will admit that somethings that come out of that are pretty great. But does it really have to be every time? Unfortunately some people do.

Or they just get high and forget.

I just find it disturbing that someone must be high on something in order to create anything. I don't.

I don't need that sort of thing to be creative. I usually drink, then all I think about it frivolous things. Nothing worth making or creating. Just crap.

I don't get it. I don't need it.

Does that mean that my mind is more open and accepting of things to where I don't need anything like the such?

I know that I feel awesome after a few hours of blacksmithing. I love finishing smoothing in a manner that makes my signature.

I must be above all that insignificant garbage. Or something close to that.

Love,
Olivia

Tattoos and other things

I want a new tattoo. I'm not sure what exactly I want to get, but it will be something that means a lot to me.

Probably will be the quote around my ankle. "Not all those who wander are lost" - JRR Tolkien.

I have decided that I am allowed to get said tattoo when my car is paid off. That gives me plenty of time to decide what I want.

Eventually I will figure out what I want and get it done. :)

That's all for now.


Love,

Olivia

I post to feel more..... something...

I keep trying to think of ways to feel better about being 500 miles away from everyone.

I said this before and I think I may actually need to do this and demand this of people.

I am going to get a calendar and schedule skype time with people.

At this point in time I don't have work study, I apparently made too much money as a teacher and the federal government doesn't care that I have bills to pay.

ANYHOWS, Lets do this thing. It'll help. Or at least I hope so.

I keep reminding myself I'm graduating next winter. But that's a year from now.

Then grad school, possibly out of state. Eh, I donno...

Love,

Olivia

Amongst a sea of people......

I'm lonely. Really lonely. I mean I like my roommates, and we all get a long. Mike and Amber also cook awesome food. :)

But I miss home. I miss my friends. I miss my family.

I don't talk to that many people and I just miss what we had a CMU. A place to go, plenty of friends when I needed them, and sometimes someone to just be with.

I could use some scheduled skype time with people. Google hangouts, that sort of thing.

I have however met some very nice people that I have made friends with. But because of my work schedule, I haven't seen much of them.

I donno....

Help.......

Suggestions.......


Love,

Olivia

Losers need not apply

So I got to thinking at work, as I do in the early hours of the morning while I'm making subs or digging around in the freezer for the things I need, about my recent dating history. And it's kind of a mess. But I have noticed a trend.

I date losers. Losers that have potential, but still losers. I guess I could have a better word for them, but they are not at all winners/keepers/anything to write home about. Presumably, the best word is losers.

Or projects. At any rate, they have been nice enough boys who found me to be attractive enough to want to spend time with me. That sounds horrible.

They have been nice enough boys for me to find something about them attractive even though they needed work. A good boyfriend shouldn't need work. And they should be good enough as they are.... Right? Or did I miss something?

That doesn't matter. I am tired of dating guys who are losers with potential. My high school boyfriend, very smart, had street sense, was sweet (when he wanted to be), and many other good qualities, could have been anything had he just believed in himself. Problem was, he wasn't good enough for me. He knew it, I didn't see it. Also he needed work. Work far past what a high school girl could handle.

The boy I dated in college. No he was not my boyfriend, officially, but we dated for 4 years. As in we went out on dates took turns paying and such the like. He was a project that, well turned out good for himself after we broke up. There came a point where I wanted him out of my life, and he is now.

Then lastly, the string of random dates that happened after I moved up here. They weren't all losers, one definitely was, but the others were projects. Projects that I am tired of dealing with. Yes they have potential to be something better then what they are, but I am not about to take on anymore projects.

I need a man.

Someone who can handle a lofty dreamed artist who occasionally throws a fit over things.

Someone who can hold me while I cry and hand me chocolate and/or beer as needed.

Someone strong enough to handle my whiplash like emotions and strong enough to bare there own.

Someone who will play video games with me, help me construct silly castles in Minecraft, and watch my silly movies with me.

Someone who understands that I sometimes just like to watch you play video games until I fall asleep. (Even C.O.D.)

Someone who likes to read.

Someone who will go to con's, ren faires, and other such events that require costumes.

Someone who isn't afraid of a good cuddle.

Someone who is driven and passionate about what they are doing with their life.

Someone who likes to travel.

Someone who is a big nerd. And will be one with me.

Someone who can make/fix/craft something. (Minecraft doesn't count here)

Someone who will not make me listen to popular musics and wont make fun of me for the songs I do know.

Someone who understands that I have my girls from CMU. And understands that they come with me. We are a packaged deal.

Someone I can have adventures with. No matter how big or small they may be, just adventures.

Training or something like that

I think that all my years of training to be an art teacher have ruined me forever when looking at others works. I constantly find my self wanting to give some sort of criticism towards every painting, drawing, photograph, or sculpture that I see. I can't just appreciate art for what it is.

The worst part is, I know that I can't necessarily do better. Just That I know how to tell them how to make it better.

Damn you teacher training. Damn you.

A little post about fashion

So I recently been enjoying buying retro clothing. I currently own 4 dresses and a few tops. My bridesmaid dress was purchased from www.pinupgirlclothing.com.

Awesome website with a lot of sizes to choose from.

But I've begun to think. If I'm going to go for the part of a retro queen or something like that, then I need to actually take it to the next level.

For starters, shapwear. My Spanx are awesome. They are comfortable, they are breathable, but they aren't as shaping as I'd like them to be.

I ordered a while ago an awesome shaper from www.hipsandcurves.com. But it's not high enough wasted for me. Creates a bit of a bulge at my core. Not as flattering under tight fitting clothing as one would think. But the brand name of the shaper interested me, and I have now found other higher wasted shapers that are not too expensive and will give me the look I'm going for under stretchy and clingy fabric.

And it's very retro looking. :) Exactly what I'm going for.

Also, I'm tired of my bangs. But if I actually get them cut and keep them shorter, they aren't such a problem. (Most people know how often I really cut my hair.... I went a year once). But I do like them... When they behave.

Other then that, putting on eyemake a certain way and having red'ish lips, I got the look. And I do it well.

Lots of love,

Olivia

Tired of being tired.

I haven't been posting because I've been feeling down and out lately. I would rather keep my blog upbeat, but for all intensive purposes, everyone is allowed a bad day.

I wont go into details, it's my personal business and just know that I'm working through it.

I will say that I miss the Art Department. It's my escape more then people realize. It's where I live and work. I'm not very happy that I couldn't take a summer class or do some independent work this summer for NMU. They didn't offer anything for me to take.

I also realize that I should have made a point of adding more people on facebook so that I could have more people to hang out with this summer.

People always love summer, I'm one of the few who don't. I usually work and barely have time to do anything else and with the weddings this summer, I can't really take much  more time off then that. Which is fine, I just miss summers in Mt. Pleasant with my friends. We always had a way of having fun, even if most of the time I had to work at 7 am. We just did it. It's a different atmosphere here. You don't really need to look for fun, it's every where.

But the problem is, I feel rather lonely without my old crew of misfit friends around. But new opportunities are all around me. I just have to start taking them. :)

Love,

Olivia

Quotes that I like.

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." ~ E.E. Cummings

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." ~Zora Neale Hurston

"I’m a troublemaker, Never been a faker, Doing things my own way, And never giving up" ~ Weezer
"Keep living "The Dream", Olivia. One of us has to do it." X-face.

"Power corrupts.
Knowledge is power.
Study hard, be evil"

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are meant to run wild until they find some, just as wild, to run with." ~ Carrie Bradshaw (AKA, Sarah Jessica Parker)

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."
— Bob Marley

"Love and approve of myself. No person, place, or thing has any power over me. I am free." - Louise Hay

"The strength of ten Grinches, plus two"

"Love has reasons which reason cannot understand." - Blaise Pascal

I'd rather be someones missed chance than be the one waiting around for someone to become available.

“You have four years to be irresponsible here.
Relax.
Work is for people with jobs.
You'll never remember class time,
but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends.
So, stay out late.
Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday.
Spend money you don't have.
Drink 'til sunrise.
The work never ends, but college does...”
-Tom Petty

"Sometimes women do stupid things, mostly it's men" - Me

"Your mad as a box of frogs"- Sharon Osbourne

"Well behaved woman rarely make history"

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."
Edgar Allan Poe

"I see your playing stupid again. I see your winning too."

Stuff and thoughts.... And more stuff.

So I do this thinking thing a lot. (Which most people do, some just have more complex thoughts then others)

I think about things that are relevant to getting older every time my birthday comes up.

Marriage. My brother is getting married this summer and so is one of my best friends. I'm in both weddings. A few other friends of mine are getting married this year or got engaged. I however, am not. And I'm not really worried about any of that. I had a discussion with my friend Tommie about how I didn't want the "white picket fence American dream". That's just not me. And last year it felt like that was my only option because of my career as a teacher was just getting started and that I was well on my way to a husband, 2.5 kids, a dog, house, blah, blah, blah. I'm never going to like that. Even if I think I might, I wont like it forever. The whole thing gave me a panic attack last year that lasted about 2 weeks. Yeah.... That's clearly not for me.

I need to marry (if I ever decide to) someone who is just as wild as me and willing to be young for the rest of our lives. Also someone who isn't afraid of being awesome and traveling with me as a blacksmith at ren fests.

Tommie made a point of saying that I might buy a house one day, but I'll be the one with a trebuchet in the back yard shooting water balloons filled with shaving cream at my neighbor's house, then running and hiding inside like we didn't do anything. Yup, that's totally plausible.

I think about other things too. Like jobs, what I'm going to do when I'm done with school, stuff like that.

Sean (my roommate), asked me what I was going to do when I was done with school this time around. I replied that I was going to be awesome. I guess it doesn't really matter what I do with it, as long as I'm doing something I enjoy. That's what's most important, doing something you enjoy. It doesn't matter about the money, money doesn't matter. As long as you can pay your bills on time, livable food budget, and some to save for rainy days, then well, that's all you need.

Who could ask for more?

Hearts and stars,

Olivia

Trying new things

Now, I know that I'm probably the worst person to diet. I'm bad at it and I give up easily.

Now that my stress level is SO much better, I've decided to try to at least eat better.

Now if Econo would just stop making that amazing spinach dip, then I wouldn't have to buy it each week. Spinach dip is my cheat food. I allow myself about 1/4 of a cup daily.

I've been using this food tracker on www.livestrong.com/myplate that my friend Christina showed me. It's basically a way for me to keep track of what I'm eating and it's super easy to use. I even bought good food to eat so that I'm eating less garbage and junk, which I know I eat a lot of.

I'm trying do keep things in proportion. Which is half the battle. I can also track my water intake online as well.

This morning I weighed myself. Slightly less then earlier this week. I really needed to stop eating all those Doritos and cookies. I can have some, just not so darn many.

But It's pretty cool to see what your taking in and it's kinda a wake up call. It's like, whoa, that's just too much! Even if you don't think it's that much, it really is.

And I feel awesome.

Feeling good and happy,

Olivia

No, Libby, I don't post enough.

I know I don't post a lot. Not like I used to. Now it's not like I don't think about it, I just don't get around to it.

Been busy, I made a Gnome. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10100685850996118&set=a.811422121618.2417160.21721772&type=3&theater

There's the link to him. I'm going to paint him like David the Gnome and he'll be my new travel partner.

I also realized that I am a better artist then I thought I was. Damn you who ever told me I wasn't good enough. Because I believed it for far too long.

Also the assface that told me I wasn't that pretty, damn you too. I also believed you for far too long.

I've listened to other people for far too long in my life. I'm slowly becoming less connected to things that weigh me down. And soon I'll be able to take flight. (That's a tad bit sappy).

I also am not used to unseasonably warm weather in the yoop. But it makes for good skirt weather. I've worn one for two days now.

I also would like to point out that my walmart "uniform" is like kryptonite. Once it has been removed I feel better. And I usually only say that I hate my life on the days that I'm scheduled to be there. Yup, it's just my job that I hate, but it's not forever. I'll find one that I love again.

The weathers been so warm that it makes me want to go swimming. But I know that lake is too cold. Not that it'll get much warmer, but being warm for a couple months will increase the lake temp.

So a pile of random thoughts and things. But then again, I'm pretty random.

Love,

Olivia

Man, do I love what I do

It's been a while since I've been blogging. Sorry folks, been a busy girl.

The semester has been going for a while now and I'm severely dedicated to mastering the craft of Blacksmithing. I will not let certain techniques get me down, I just keep making it happen. I'm getting better and stronger every day.

But I suppose that working on the anvil 3 or 4 days a week 4 hours at a time will do that do you.

I haven't made much, just some sample work. (Ok, I've made 2 shit upsets and one that's workable.) I will make an upset and it will be pretty. Ya'll know how stubborn I can get.

Being in the Yoop has really affected me. In such a good way. I've lost 20 pounds and been able to maintain it, I've been working at walmarts and my department manager is pretty sweet making the job more tolerable, and I've been making things again.

The most important is the last. I've been making things again. I've been making things for class, then my friends asked me to make them some hats, and thus, the Zombie hat for Tommie was made. I'm working on a Boba Fett one for my friend Cristin.

All is well.

Love,

Olivia