just getting stuff out

In the past few months I have been really working on myself and being happy again. Believe me, being sad and a crumpled mess is by far the worst thing that has happened to me. And if it never happens again to me, I will be very happy.

But because of all that I do have my good days and my bad days. I've had a few bad days. And I realize that they are going to boil down and catch fire around Thanksgiving time.

For the first time EVER in my life I have to work both Thanksgiving and the Day after. Now, I work in the Deli, so the Black Friday crap (which really is just piles of crap that makes good people miss out on their family gatherings), doesn't affect me. We still have normal hours. But I will not be home with my family like other people will be.

I know that some people have given up more then I have, say people in the military, but that is so besides the point. I got scheduled the way I did so that I could work Thanksgiving, right in the middle of the day. And Friday I work 5-10.

I honestly believe that the company that I work for really doesn't care that I would like to be home with my family instead of being sad slicing deli meats for people who will just feel bad for coming in.

But that's in the future. I'd like to talk about right now. This is partially hormone induced, partially from being ill for almost 3 weeks now, and a few other reasons I'll keep to myself.

I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. My pants don't fit. All of them. They are too big, and if any of you have gone pants shopping with me, you know how picky and hard it is for me to buy pants that I like. Also, I really haven't the cash to go buy myself some new pants.

I also don't like most of my clothes. I want to look nice when I go to class sometimes, not like crap. And well, I have a lot of crap.

I donno. I'll probably just feel better after my head stops hurting regularly.

God bless,

Olivia