Smaug, maybe this will help people to understand.

At the end of January 2010 my family lost my mom's oldest brother. It came to us as a shock especially since he had been released from the hospital after having a heart attack. 

I never admitted how much this hit me or how much this affected me. I ended up not being able to get out of bed for a few days and cried a lot in my room alone for a long time after the funeral. 

The same week that I lost my uncle, I was laid off for the first time. Needless to say, it was a bad week for me.

After being forcibly dragged to school by my loverly Dan Simpson, I decided to make Smaug. 

Uncle Carl loved Star Wars, Star Trek, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and all things Science Fiction. After cleaning out his house did nothing but prove how much of a nerd/geek/trekki/techie and any other word that can be attached to that. 

He also taught me everything I needed to know about computers and how to fix them. After his passing, I became the family tech support. 

I decided to make Smaug as an hommage to my uncle's memory. 

I made this dragon to work out my emotions and feelings that were flowing through me at this time in my life. I have a lot of things attached to this creation.

I have had a lot of people of late tell me to literally scrap out Smaug, never touch him again, or just start over completely. 

I almost tossed Smaug into the dumpster. I didn't, mostly because I realized that I would have gone right back in and gotten him out.

The point that I am trying to make is that sometimes people create works of art for reasons that aren't always apparent. So please don't try to discredit something especially if you don't know the back story. It may mean something more to the creator then you think. 

You knew this was coming.... Right?

Ok folks there is something that I am going to have to state now rather then later.

I am no longer making things for free. For anyone. I'm not making things for cost anymore either.

I will make homemade gifts that I elect to make for a gift. IE it's your birthday and I think of something awesome to make for you.

I will be giving people an estimate of materials then adding in what I believe is fair pay for the time that I put into it.

I will be paid a least minium wage per hour that I put into materials. I will adjust it as I see fit.

I plan on making my living doing this. I can't make a living without getting paid.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but come on people.

You knew this was coming... Right?

Don't me mad bro. I'll be fair.


Love,

Olivia

Art and whatnots

I have been having trouble lately with defining art.

For example what role or function it plays as well as what theory it fits best in.

Then there is high art. Historical references set aside.

These days "high art" means something completely different to me. It means art that was created while under the influence of some type of substance.

Now, the artwork that I create cannot come out of that. For instance it is a couple thousand year old practice that I am taking and using to create something with. It's not really that special as far as the process. It's hot, sweaty, and dirty, and you are more likely to forget to wash your hands when you eat lunch or pick your nose.

Nothing that special about it until someone makes a note that it is something that you don't hear most people doing. There. That's literally it. It's not common. That's the only thing that really makes it special. Yes there are talented people working with the process, but they aren't necessarily that special or better then other artists.

The point is, that if you are under some type of influence, you will be unable to safely preform the process. Mistakes will happen, and a person could be burnt, hit themselves with a hammer, or even hurt another person working near them.

Then their are the 2-D people. Other then using scissors or the mat cutter, you are less likely to hurt yourself. Unless you drink the turps.

Then you're screwed.

Too many artist and art students get high or drunk then create.

What the hell.

Yes I will admit that somethings that come out of that are pretty great. But does it really have to be every time? Unfortunately some people do.

Or they just get high and forget.

I just find it disturbing that someone must be high on something in order to create anything. I don't.

I don't need that sort of thing to be creative. I usually drink, then all I think about it frivolous things. Nothing worth making or creating. Just crap.

I don't get it. I don't need it.

Does that mean that my mind is more open and accepting of things to where I don't need anything like the such?

I know that I feel awesome after a few hours of blacksmithing. I love finishing smoothing in a manner that makes my signature.

I must be above all that insignificant garbage. Or something close to that.

Love,
Olivia

Tattoos and other things

I want a new tattoo. I'm not sure what exactly I want to get, but it will be something that means a lot to me.

Probably will be the quote around my ankle. "Not all those who wander are lost" - JRR Tolkien.

I have decided that I am allowed to get said tattoo when my car is paid off. That gives me plenty of time to decide what I want.

Eventually I will figure out what I want and get it done. :)

That's all for now.


Love,

Olivia

I post to feel more..... something...

I keep trying to think of ways to feel better about being 500 miles away from everyone.

I said this before and I think I may actually need to do this and demand this of people.

I am going to get a calendar and schedule skype time with people.

At this point in time I don't have work study, I apparently made too much money as a teacher and the federal government doesn't care that I have bills to pay.

ANYHOWS, Lets do this thing. It'll help. Or at least I hope so.

I keep reminding myself I'm graduating next winter. But that's a year from now.

Then grad school, possibly out of state. Eh, I donno...

Love,

Olivia

Amongst a sea of people......

I'm lonely. Really lonely. I mean I like my roommates, and we all get a long. Mike and Amber also cook awesome food. :)

But I miss home. I miss my friends. I miss my family.

I don't talk to that many people and I just miss what we had a CMU. A place to go, plenty of friends when I needed them, and sometimes someone to just be with.

I could use some scheduled skype time with people. Google hangouts, that sort of thing.

I have however met some very nice people that I have made friends with. But because of my work schedule, I haven't seen much of them.

I donno....

Help.......

Suggestions.......


Love,

Olivia

Losers need not apply

So I got to thinking at work, as I do in the early hours of the morning while I'm making subs or digging around in the freezer for the things I need, about my recent dating history. And it's kind of a mess. But I have noticed a trend.

I date losers. Losers that have potential, but still losers. I guess I could have a better word for them, but they are not at all winners/keepers/anything to write home about. Presumably, the best word is losers.

Or projects. At any rate, they have been nice enough boys who found me to be attractive enough to want to spend time with me. That sounds horrible.

They have been nice enough boys for me to find something about them attractive even though they needed work. A good boyfriend shouldn't need work. And they should be good enough as they are.... Right? Or did I miss something?

That doesn't matter. I am tired of dating guys who are losers with potential. My high school boyfriend, very smart, had street sense, was sweet (when he wanted to be), and many other good qualities, could have been anything had he just believed in himself. Problem was, he wasn't good enough for me. He knew it, I didn't see it. Also he needed work. Work far past what a high school girl could handle.

The boy I dated in college. No he was not my boyfriend, officially, but we dated for 4 years. As in we went out on dates took turns paying and such the like. He was a project that, well turned out good for himself after we broke up. There came a point where I wanted him out of my life, and he is now.

Then lastly, the string of random dates that happened after I moved up here. They weren't all losers, one definitely was, but the others were projects. Projects that I am tired of dealing with. Yes they have potential to be something better then what they are, but I am not about to take on anymore projects.

I need a man.

Someone who can handle a lofty dreamed artist who occasionally throws a fit over things.

Someone who can hold me while I cry and hand me chocolate and/or beer as needed.

Someone strong enough to handle my whiplash like emotions and strong enough to bare there own.

Someone who will play video games with me, help me construct silly castles in Minecraft, and watch my silly movies with me.

Someone who understands that I sometimes just like to watch you play video games until I fall asleep. (Even C.O.D.)

Someone who likes to read.

Someone who will go to con's, ren faires, and other such events that require costumes.

Someone who isn't afraid of a good cuddle.

Someone who is driven and passionate about what they are doing with their life.

Someone who likes to travel.

Someone who is a big nerd. And will be one with me.

Someone who can make/fix/craft something. (Minecraft doesn't count here)

Someone who will not make me listen to popular musics and wont make fun of me for the songs I do know.

Someone who understands that I have my girls from CMU. And understands that they come with me. We are a packaged deal.

Someone I can have adventures with. No matter how big or small they may be, just adventures.